©2020 by xoxo Keesh

  • Keesh

Saturn's Beautiful Return

Updated: Jun 15, 2019

You will think what you please, feel what you please and judge how you please concerning the things I write; however, please take a moment and note that I am an imperfect human being.

What does that mean?

This is my space and I reserve the right to feel one way one day and a completely different way the next; as are you. The things I write are my feels, my vibes, my truths, my testimonies and I am choosing to share them with those interested enough to read them.

Thank you in advance for respecting my space.


Saturn’s Return kicked my entire ass, but in the most supportive and beautiful way ever.

Sis, what does that even mean? What are you talking about?

So, every 27 to 29.5 years, Saturn returns to your natal Saturn; essentially it ‘returns’ to the exact location it was the actual day you were born. Saturn’s Return is described as ‘an extreme wake-up call;’ it is a time of reflection and seeking your God-given purpose. Basically, it is a period in your life that will yank your warm and cozy bed cover from your body, leaving you exposed to a freezing temperature room, with the ceiling fan on high-speed (s/o to the year-round ceiling fanners like myself).

Read more about Saturn’s Return here.

Honestly, I had never heard of the concept of Saturn’s Return, until I sought out information to figure out what the hell had happened to me and why was my life taking such an unexpected turn.

Looking back, I can confirm experiencing subtle movements of Saturn’s Return around age 27, but it wasn’t until I was 28, just shy of my 29th birthday, that the sh*t hit the fan; I packed up my entire life and separated from my marriage. The intricate details of ‘why’ are not necessary in this particular time and space, but long story short: I chose me.

It is hard to articulate exactly how making a decision of that magnitude feels, so in lieu of, I’ll give a few adjectives: Lost. Frightened… no Terrified. Drained. Confused. Abandoned. Unloved.

Honestly, the thing I was most terrified of was what other people would think of my decision to leave; imagine that. I was married at 26 and separated, headed to divorce by 29; I was nowhere near where I thought I’d be by that time. But if I can encourage just one queen or king, I’d say this: F what other people will think or say about your decision. Only you and God know the day-to-day of what you may be experiencing. In some situations, it may be ‘worth the fight’, but in others, it may not. And if you are in a situation of the latter, leave. Choose yourself. Talk to God. Confide in a trusted loved one. Find a therapist. You are not alone nor are you a failure because you decided to honor yourself.

So, what did you do next?

God is so intentional; I was already in the process of securing a new job about two hours away from the city I was living in. Once the job was confirmed, it made it that much easier for me to relocate and start anew.

So, once you moved, all was well right? You were healed?

Wrong. I went into a functioning depression. I was going to work, handling the day-to-day tasks, exuding all the proper social media worthy boss, queen vibes, but then I would go home, shower, eat (some days), and then crawl into bed. I had some dark days and nothing, not even prayer, was seeming to help me. Unfortunately, in the Black community, we are commonly told to ‘pray about it’ when we face difficult and trying situations. Don’t get me wrong, prayer works (in my opinion), but it is okay to seek help outside of prayer. So, I did just that. My first try at therapy was a flop; no tea or shade to that counselor; we simply were not a good fit. I kept searching though and God lead me to the right place and I’m thankful for her and I encourage any and everyone to consider therapy; it does help.

In between the failed first attempt at therapy and finding the right counselor for me, I had to find something that resonated with me and helped me along the way. Toast to the beginning of my spiritual healing journey: a melting pot of self-love and accountability, meditation, prayer, plant-based lifestylin’, God, and the universe. I am thankful to say my relationship with God grows more and more each day and I went from size 16/18 to 6/8 since transitioning to a plant-based lifestyle; topics I plan to expound on in later posts.

Ok, so after all that, now are you healed?

Nope. The thing is, there is no attainable, end goal; all each of us can do is appreciate each day for what it is and choose to be better than we were the day before. I’m in a much better space, but I am still a work in progress.

Writing my truth and sharing in this way, is totally out of my comfort zone, but new things can’t bloom in the shade, right? There is so much more I plan to share; so, I hope you will join me on this new and exciting journey.

In closing, I’ll say this: whether it’s Saturn’s Return, or you simply feel the pull and tug from God and the universe that it is time to shift and vibe higher; do it. Even if no one else understands it.

So, thank you, Saturn, wit yo funky ass!


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